Comments

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(The message below is from a male reader and we accept comments from both male and female readers.)
Terry in Florida FLORIDA
Tkaatmanrn@aol.com
8/14/08

Wow, just stumbled on your site. I should give my testimony for your site...or is it just for women. This is Terry, you replied to me a couple of times and I took your heartfelt words to heart. I have not gambled since 3/30/2008, two days after the love of my life Sharon said goodbye to me. We have e-mailed and been to lunch, even went diving together once. Last week, we met at our favorite little restaurant on Anna Maria Island. I live in Florida. It was a pleasant lunch, a Christian hug on meeting and leaving but no talk of us together. Hard to go back in time. She loved me so much. We were to be married June 14th of this year. Her words, "Terry it was not the Gambling that broke us up Our relationship was not going forward but backwards. You could not share your true heart with me. I cannot handle lies and deception...if you had told me about the gambling instead of lying we could of gone forward but to lie, I will not tolerate it. Maybe as friends you can share your heart with me and be honest."

That was over 4 months ago. I was just so scared at the time to tell her the truth for fear of the same thing that happened, her leaving me. The truth shall set you free, is in the Bible and is my mantra from now on. My name is Terry K. and I am a compulsive Gambler. I have not placed a bet since 3/30/2008..now 135 days. .Thank you Jesus. Such peace and serenity now, though lonely without the love of my life Sharon. A tough trade. The Gambler inside me wanted it all with no losses. It did not work out that way this time. I thank God we are still friends and who knows what His will is. Had to stop gambling. My life is 1000% better but lonely. I am happy for your recovery, what a story...God bless you.

Your friend in recovery Terry K..

Ann CALIFORNIA CA
8/14/08 Greetings, I am happy to share that it has been five weeks since I placed my last bet. It has not been easy since I have been trying this whole year to stop but I have more clean time this year then the last five years, which may not mean much but the difference is that now I have two feet in GA and recovery and none in the casino. I have a lot of fences to mend but that will come in due time as I can only do one thing at a time. I am very happy to have the opportunity to be part of this network and pray that each and every one of you can find the help you need.

Cheryl N. MISSOURI Kansas City, MO
08/14/08 Excellent website!

Joan PENNSYLVANIA

Pennsylvania

minnyme1215@yahoo.com

8/10/08

My name is Joan and I am from PA. I am a compulsive gambler and have been attending GA meetings now for about a month. I have not gambled since 07/08/08. I wanted to write to say how helpful your website has been to me. Reading the articles and comments have gotten me through such hard days. I cry a lot, I cannot believe that I could have done something like this, I feel so alone sometimes. There are days that I manage to get through and then there are days that I beat myself up. I remember a time in my life when I wasn't gambling and life was wonderful, don't get me wrong it wasn't perfect but I managed. Things in my life changed a few years ago, I could not deal with issues in my life and turned to gambling on the Internet, it consumed me for hours and I forget the problems that I was struggling with even for just a short time. I began to shut out the outside world and the computer became my friend, FRIEND!!!! no not really but is was my way of escaping what I should of been dealing with, I would sit in front of the computer for hours and not think about anything. I thank God for the GA meetings, I have met some truly amazing people, that are there for me and I really would like to find a sponsor in my group, they say to use the phone list and I have, I am taking it one day at a time, believing in myself, and with the help of friends, family and the LOVE Of MY LIFE I know I will get through this.

Kris TEXAS
Dallas, Texas
08/07/08

After reading these comments I realize I am not alone. I am a compulsive gambler. I have gone to GA however was very uncomfortable because a frequent member spoke to me after a meeting one night. He was rude and abusive and made a comment that "I would not stop gambling if I did not come to every meeting." Something I can not do because of my work. Anyway, I fight the need to gamble everyday. And I do not know why I enjoy spending loads of money on a slot machine. Yes, I have won numerous jackpots. One time I won $17,000 but that's long gone plus plenty more. I spent savings, college fund, 401K and the ironic thing is I owe a lot to the IRS because my winnings put me in a higher income bracket. I have maxed out credit cards and have terrible credit. I have skipped out on markers that I owe. I am just amazed that I continue to stroll down this self destructive path. I have a good job and my husband does too...he is still with me and knows I have a problem but does not know how bad. On top of everything when I tell him I am going to the casino, he says okay! I have slowly stopped because the longer I stay away the easier it gets. And God is yelling in my ear not to go. I was headed to the casino yesterday after not going for 2 mos. and my car overheated. So I did not go. It is the toughest thing I have ever had to try to get control of. I am praying A LOT.

Kris, please send me an e-mail, I'd like to talk to you: mslancelot@cox.net. I won't post it in the messages.

Ann CALIFORNIA California
8/06/08
Greetings Ladies,
I hope this web site can be as helpful to you as it has been to me. Each day I take a few minutes to read and take in all that is being said here. This is to remind myself that I do not want to be where I was before and that I am thankful just for today. I have a lot of work to do but I believe facing the consequences of my actions is also a reminder that today is all I have. I am a compulsive gambler and in recovery for life! ............ Ann
Penny CALIFORNIA California 08/04/08 hotnana67@yahoo.com I'm having a serious problem with my compulsive gambling. I'm about to lose my house, my marriage is on the rocks! It seems like I always want to escape to the casino, because at the time I think it makes me feel good. Not true at all! I cry on the way home I swear I'm going to quit, over and over again. I hate myself for the way I am. I feel like something is missing in my life. I lost my dad 2 years ago and I still cry. My mom is in a nursing home and never will return home. I've stopped going to church and I know I need to turn to God and I have several times. It doesn't ever go away inside of me! It's literally like a driving force and I'm not in control anymore. I wish I didn't think about gambling, but most of the time that's all I think of and how fast I can get there! I've lost about $80,000 and I still tell myself it will be better next time. Every time I get done after 12 straight hours of just slots. I still feel awfull and I don't know how to kick this disease! Two nights ago I lost all of my husbands pension check for the month. I was so afraid to go home I thought it would be better to take all my Ativan and maybe this would all go away! I didn't do that or I wouldn't be typing right now, but I need serious help, because I'm so sad inside. I used to like "me" and be outgoing! I've isolated myself and feel like this bad urge to "gamble" won't leave me alone! Will I ever have a normal life again? Every time I look for help at treatment hospital or wherever they do that kind of thing, insurance doesn't cover it and it's only for the rich and famous people. So, I don't know what to do anymore? Sincerely,
Penny
Ann CALIFORNIA California 8/01/08 Greetings, I want to encourage everyone that each minute counts when you are not gambling. I want to share a little something that happened to me this past Sunday, which may help in the encouragement department. This past Sunday I went to the Spiritual Life Center service, which is by the way, great for folks in 12 step programs because it is all about having a better spiritual and everyday normal or as normal as you can be life. The topic happened to be about "What IF" which I am always worried about especially with the challenges I am facing. Our pastor was telling a story about what happened to him quite a few years back when he was behind in his car payment and what would happen to him if he did not make the payment. Hello --- isn't that something as I am behind in my car payments, and saying to myself isn't that ironic that I sit here worried about the same thing he is talking about. I know I was in that place at that time just so I could face my fear. To make a long story short I did have a talk with him after the service and he prayed with me so that I would no longer be scared to make that phone call. I made that call and things are ok and I am not going to lose my car. That was the first of may calls I have to make and I will make them one at a time. So one call at a time and I know things will be resolved for me along this road of recovery. Believe me I have done so much damage the last few years that it is scary to think of cleaning up so much, but it is something I have to do so that I will never forget how I got here and remember why I don't want to be here again. Today I am better than I was yesterday! Ann
Ann CALIFORNIA California 7/28/08 Greetings Ladies, I love this site and really appreciate the wonderful job Marilyn and all of you have done here. I have been taking everything one minute at a time and taking my recovery seriously. I have never made it work before as I really did not have my heart in it and so just kept relapsing every so often causing much more damage each time. I do not want to gamble any more. Have a great day. Ann
Suzanne CANADA Quebec, Canada marc.sue@tlb.sympatico.ca 07-24-08 I'm Suzanne, a compulsive gambler and the author of "I discovered I had been raped" in the July 08 issue of the newsletter (3rd story). Never have I found so much hope as I have through this website and meeting new people all the time through live chat rooms for gamblers. All my life, I felt different from other people, like there was something really wrong with me that made people weary to have anything to do with me. Having had 10 years in AA as a sober alcoholic, I just couldn't figure out the incredible difficulties I was experiencing with my attempts to give myself a normal life. Now that I know about my past and am healing (very well thank you very much to the Lord), I no longer feel any different than you as a compulsive gambler. I gambled to escape my loneliness and my emotional pain. The way I used to think was that I had not been very lucky in life (and I wasn't), so why not gamble and see if I can win. Well, I did win money, a lot of times. But nothing felt alright inside. Guilt, a deep sadness from the violent crimes committed against me as a small child, angry at God, angry at my lot in life. So you know my friend, I ended up even worse than before because not only was I pissed off at the world, I was also broke and had no cash to comfort me. Ah, how very pathetic I was. But God, as I understand Him saw past my anger and sadness and decided to give me a Great Huge Hug from Heaven. How, you may ask? By allowing me to try something totally different from my normal behavior. So I ended up living in the country with my ex-boyfriend, Marc. He asked me to be with him because he was alone and so was I. I came to be with him and for the 1st 2 or 3 months, I had so much pain in me that one day I started to yell at God and to cry in a way that would move anyone with a heart to comfort me. I discovered that after I had let go of the torment of my mind and spirit - suddenly I found that I wasn't so sad anymore, I wasn't crying every day, my appetite came back. And Marc didn't seem so scary to be with (yes, I have an issue with men). Now I'm in month 4 with Marc and we are making plans for building an addition to the home, go grocery shopping together and lead a very humble and simple life. July of this year has brought me sadness at the untimely death of 3 good friends in one week. Yet, because I have GA online and a program, I was able to get through a very very difficult month. I could go on and on and on with my life story. Suffice to say that there is a Greater Force for good in the world that is called God by most people and that Force is making Itself known to us addicts. I have so much to thank the Lord for and I do everyday. Am I cured of gambling addiction? No, I'm not. But I'll tell you ladies something and it is that I'd rather be sitting in my living room, listening to the birds chirp, wolves howling at night, a million beautiful silver stars, trees swaying in the wind and eat fresh radishes and tomatoes from my garden, than sitting at a stupid machine sweating at the anxiety I feel and cussing at the machine for taking all my money. Will I ever cease to wonder at the workings of this Beautiful Lord who deemed it fit to save my life. Say yes to God, He won't let you down. Greetings from Canada Suzanne

Helen MARYLAND
MD
tcbizlawn
07/24/2008 (Helen, your email address was not complete so I can't email you???)

I am glad to find this site. I have joined CG and realized that I am not alone and that other women are going through the same emotional roller coaster that I am going through.

I ask myself, how did I get addicted to gambling when I was looking for an escape from the stress I endured in my home and with my family.

Recovery is not easy and it is very hard to stop gambling but I will keep trying and try to get myself back on track and continue to attend GA meetings and go to counseling.

I am glad this website is here.

Sandy WISCONSIN Wisconsin foot_ballfan@hotmail.com 07-24-08 It has been two weeks since I have gambled. I went to my first GA meeting which is over an hour away from my home. My husband was kind and willing enough to take me. It was a wonderful meeting and the people were very nice and good to the "newcomer." It was very interesting and soothing to hear their stories. I have concluded that I am not alone or should I say, We are not alone. It is amazing what this baffling disease has done to people and what it can do to people. I am continuing to take one day at a time and I am doing the best I can. It is really scary and I only hope that I can make it to my next GA meeting (Sunday). My higher power willing I can succeed. If anyone would like to email, please do so. Your words of wisdom will go a long way for me. (foot_ballfan@hotmail.com). Take care.
Ann CALIFORNIA California amray@ucdavis.edu 07/22/08 I am happy to have found this site. I have book marked it and read it every day. I read the same articles over and over just to remind myself what I no longer can do. Like most of you here I have been on a roller coaster ride for the last five years and cannot gamble any more. My last date to gamble was 11 days ago on July 11th. I have been in and out of GA for last few years and never took it seriously. I get lots of clean time and then for no reason at all I feel I deserve to go out and self destruct a little more. Sadly, medicating myself with gambling has not worked, so for me it stops here. I have gone back to GA and will work whatever I have to, to keep myself from gambling. No more excuses it is time I take responsibility and clean up my mess. You see no one trusts me anymore so I have to do this, but you know that I can and will. Ann
Suzanne Quebec, Canada marc.sue@tlb.sympatico.ca Date: 072408 I'm Suzanne, a compulsive gambler and the author of "I discovered I had been raped in the July 08 issue of the newsletter" (3rd story). Never have I found so much hope as I have through this website and meeting new people all the time through live chat rooms for gamblers. All my life, I felt different from other people, like there was something really wrong with me that made people weary to have anything to do with me. Having had 10 years in AA as a sober alcoholic, I just couldn't figure out the incredible difficulties I was experiencing with my attempts to give myself a normal life. Now that I know about my past and am healing (very well thank you very much to the Lord), I no longer feel any different than you as a compulsive gambler. I gambled to escape my loneliness and my emotional pain. The way I used to think was that I had not been very lucky in life (and I wasn't), so why not gamble and see if I can win. Well, I did win money, a lot of times. But nothing felt alright inside. Guilt, a deep sadness from the violent crimes committed against me as a small child, angry at God, angry at my lot in life. So you know my friend, I ended up even worse than before because not only was I pissed off at the world, I was also broke and had no cash to comfort me. Ah, how very pathetic I was. But God, as I understand Him saw past my anger and sadness and decided to give me a Great Huge Hug from Heaven. How, you may ask? By allowing me to try something totally different from my normal behaviuor. So I ended up living in the country with my ex-boyfriend, Marc. He asked me to be with him because he was alone and so was I. I came to be with him and for the 1st 2 or 3 months, I had so much pain in me that one day I started to yell at God and to cry in a way that would move anyone with a heart to comfort me. I discovered that after I had let go of the torment of my mind and spirit - suddenly I found that I was so sad anymore, I wasn't crying every day, my appetite came back. And Marc didn't seem so scary to be with (yes, I have an issue with men). Now I'm in month 4 with Marc and we are making plans for building an addition to the home, go grocery shopping together and lead a very very humble and simple life. July of this year has brought me sadness at the untimely death of 3 good friends in one week. Yet, because I have GA online and a program, I was able to get through a very very difficult month. I could go on and on and on with my life story. Suffice to say that there is a Greater Force for good in the world that is called God by most people and that Force is making Itself known to us addicts. I have so much to thank the Lord for and I do everyday. Am I cured of gambling addiction? No, I'm not. But I'll tell you ladies something and it is that I'd rather be sitting in my living room, listening to the birds chirps, wolves howling at night, million of beautiful silver stars, trees swaying in the wind and eat fresh radishes and tomatoes from my garden than sitting at a stupid machine sweating at the anxiety I feel and cussing at the machine for taking all my money. Will I ever cease to wonder at the workings of this Beautiful Lord who deemed it fit to save my life. Say yes to God, He won't let you down. Greetings from Canada Suzanne
Sandy WISCONSIN Wisconsin foot_ballfan@hotmail.com 07/20/08 I have not gambled in 10 days. My compulsion started just about five years ago. At first it was a little entertainment every few months with friends, then it got to be whenever I could get away or when I had the money. I owe money to everyone, keep borrowing more "Rob Peter to Pay Paul" and have finally realized that I am very tired of it all. I work two jobs to pay off my debts. My full time job pay check is controlled by my husband and my part-time job pay check is controlled by me and I have wondered why I even have the part time job when I use it to gamble. It was supposed to be used to pay off my gambling debts. This last part-time pay check is the first pay check in almost a year that I didn't use to gamble with. I paid bills with it--finally. A total stranger helped me to reach my bottom. The last time I gambled I was at a casino that closed at 2 a.m. on the weeknights. Well I wasn't done gambling, I still had money, so I drove to another casino that was open all night. Slot machines have my attention and that is my drug of choice. While sitting at a slot machine at about 5 a.m. a woman came up to me and needed help. She needed to get home, but didn't have any gas in her car. She had no money left, no credit card, no check book and didn't know how she was going to get home or who to call. She looked and sounded desperate. I would say she was in her mid 40s to early 50s, very pleasant looking, very polite and when I noticed her while walking around the casino, I noticed she was playing a one-cent slot machine and she had around 300 credits ($3.00) and was only betting 1 per spin. After I sat down at a random slot machine, my mind starting wandering and I thought she is running out of money and just can't bring herself to leave. News flash -- been there, done that! I wanted to help her and if I would have had any extra money I would have; but you see, I was down to my last $20.00, spent all my money and couldn't help her. I knew exactly how she felt--panic, despair, frustration, etc. There have been times I prayed I would make it home on fumes when I didn't gas up my car before hitting the casino. I don't have any credit cards or a checking account to fall back on and this stranger helped me reach my bottom. This site is wonderful! I refer to it every few days for hope and inspiration. GA meetings aren't very close for me, but that is my next step. I think about the casino almost every minute of every day and then I go back to that nice lady and realize that my life will not get better if I don't. It is a terrible addiction. I never thought it would affect me, but it has. One day at a time is all I can do. If any of you would like to email me with your words of wisdom, please do. I would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you for listening.

This message is for Terry in Texas. I tried e-mailing you the information on a chat room on-line but the e-mails were returned to me. If you send me one to my address: mslancelot@cox.net I will send the the link to the chat room.

Sincerely,

Marilyn

Suzanne ARKANSAS Jonesboro, AR suzmonst@my.wgu.edu 07/15/08 I came to this site while searching for responsible gaming information. I want to be sure I don't become addicted to gambling so knowing warning signs is a good strategy. I have major depression with general anxiety disorder and I know what it's like to seek escape. A BIG CONGRATULATIONS to Suzanne from Canada for showering twice in a 2 day span!!! I know EXACTLY what that's like from over 15 years of treatment. I still have times I'll slip in taking care of myself. Keep up the good work!!!
Pat MASSACHUSETTS MA 08/07/08
Your site is very useful.
Sue CANADA Quebec, Canada marc.sue@tlb.sympatico.ca 07/08/08 I'm 19 days without gambling. I absolutely love this site. I had no hope a short while ago and I could not talk about my gambling problem with anyone. No meetings in my town, only AA. Hmmm, what's a lady to do? I got hooked on gambling from the very 1st time I put a $20.00 bill into the slot machine. I couldn't have known how very low I'd go to continue. Back then, in March of 2003, I didn't have much going on in my life. In fact, my life was already a mess due to post traumatic stress disorder, depression, poverty, disability. So I really didn't care about myself. Today though, everything is different. I met Marilyn from the 1st day I found this website and began recovery right away. I live in the country but maintain a room in town where I go every weekend. The nearest slot machine is a mere 15 minute walk from my place, so ya, temptation lurks and rears its ugly head. I found that I became stronger by the day every single time I chose to read about this addiction, to attend GA meetings online, to communicate with my new and wonderful GA internet sponsor. I can't keep my blinders on any longer. There is a light at the end of that tunnel, there is hope, there is a lot of work to do. I'm off to the city tomorrow (July 9th, 2008) to bury my friend Jim who killed himself on the 4th of July and to be with my little girl, Jenny, who lives with her foster family. I doubt very much if I will gamble. I'm too damn scared to even entertain such thoughts. So hang in there ladies, 'cause if this desperate, nervous wreck can grasp onto the rope of hope, then so can you. We are not alone anymore and no I won't be shocked by anything you have to say. Blessings from above, Suzanne
Tiffany ARIZONA Arizona Date: 06/08/09 I haven't placed a bet in 107days. I have been a compulsive gambler for 7 years. It is possible to change your life and stop gambling. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE DESIRE. That's so important. With that you must have support, the best support you can get is from GA. People in GA understand where you've been and they know how to help you make it one day at a time.
This is a very helpful website for women. It has helped me, I have the desire to live. A compulsive gambler isn't living. Daily I pray for all the women still gambling. If you have access to a GA meeting please go. This disease will trick you into thinking you can do it alone. God Bless and Your all worth it, Tiffany

Joanne CANADA Manitoba, Canada 07/07/08 I have been a compulsive gambler since my mid 20s. Now I am 37 years old and been trying to kick the gambling addiction since 1999. I have gotten myself into a lot of stressful financial situations and vowed to quit each time. I am usually gripped with embarrassment and shame during those moments but eventually I find myself playing VLTs again. I hate it. I did try to attend GA meetings, read the 12 Step program, and sought counselling. Nothing has really stuck. I often envy the people who can put in $20 and then walk away. My desire to win and then win my money back keeps me in front of those machines. I have managed to keep this addiction a secret from many people. My boyfriend is not aware how bad it gets at times. I have gambled hundreds, even thousands of dollars away and often get angry at myself. Thinking of what I could have done with the money instead of plugging it away in the machine. I ruined my credit rating and have filed for bankruptcy twice (currently in my 2nd one). Meeting me in person, you wouldn't have an idea of my illness. I am about to have my first child and want to rid myself of this so much. I would hate to have my child suffer from the same situation. Coming to this website has brought some relief. It is good to know that I am not the only one suffering.

Sue PENNYSYLVANIA
Philadelphia, PA mckayhome5@aol.com 07/06/08
I have been on this site before and had a relapse, first slowly, now on the brink of destruction. It has been 6 days since my last bet. I don't ever want to gambling on anything again, not just because I am at the bottom because I think I was at the bottom when I first started gambling. I think I will recover this time. Too bad, I will be 60 years old next month and I have wasted over 20 years of my life. I was on this site a couple of years ago and I was not going to the casinos but I still played the lottery. Last Monday was the worst, I was writing checks and I knew I did not have money in the bank. I made myself sick. I do not want to ever gamble again.
Sue
Mary Lynne CANADA Canada gamarylynne@yahoo.ca 07/3/08 Thank you for this website. I spent over an hour reading and felt compelled to add my own comments. I am a 61 year old woman, have been gambling for 30 years, was mostly bingo and racetrack, until the vicious VLT's hit here. Then I was compulsive almost from the beginning. I attended my first treatment centre in 1998. I was only successful for 6 months. Had numerous relapses and restarts at GA. In 2006 managed a whole year and received my 1 year pin at GA. Was a wonderful accomplishment for me. But short lived. I have become a casino addict, the slots have me for sure. I can manage months without gambling fairly easily now, however, when the urge comes I seem to have no ability to fight it. Not only that, I almost want the misery again. That is what is making me most crazy. I hate the gambling, don't care of course, if I'm winning or losing, long as I am in action. Mostly am losing and then of course, takes me forever to get out of the mess.
I have not had a credit card since 1986, I am barred from the casinos and still sneak in. In January had a small heart attack and in March a major one. Had some stents put in my heart and vowed to change my lifestyle. I am very overweight, smoke like a chimney, and of course have the lovely gambling addiction. I have considered suicide more times than I want to remember but am enough of a gambler to think tomorrow something wonderful could happen. It is not that I want to be dead, just want the misery over.
I have had good experiences with GA in the past, but, in my small town, after all my new starts with the program, there is not much support for me. People say, "keep coming back". But when you do, they roll their eyes and cough and snicker. Truly..it hurts like hell. For a time I thought it was my own guilt that skewed my perception, however, a few people told me they saw it happen to me and to others. I cannot face the humiliation again. I am quite prepared to do on-line meetings but face to face is out here. I gambled yesterday, only lost about $400 which is small potatoes for me. Usually drop $500-1500 a visit to the casino. It included my rent money though and I am in a seniors apartment and they also are not very forgiving of lateness in rent.
I know there are dozens of reasons why I gamble. My father was a compulsive gambler, I had abusive relationships. My last ex ended up murdering his common law wife and I am glad to be alive. All of that is unimportant. I have been an adult for a very long time and am running out of time on the big clock. What I want to know is how I can hold on to the tools I have been given. When the urge hits me, I can't even recall I have a toolbox of recovery gifts. I am happiest when I have not a penny in my pocket and all my bills are paid.
I know this is a very mixed up commentary, but then, I am a very mixed up person. Am very grateful for finding this website and intend to visit daily. Thank you for letting me share, I really needed to vent.

Danielle FLORIDA Tampa, FL Dani0315@gmail.com 07/03/08 During my appointment with my counselor this evening, he loaned me Marilyn's book, Gripped by Gambling and suggested I read it. I have already finished the first three chapters. It's inspiring. I have recently sought help for my compulsive gambling and have high hopes of being able to control it.

St.Paul, Minnesota MINNESOTA ringerjo@msn.com 07/03/08 I'm not a woman but have an interest in helping other CG's. This appears to be a great site for women and I would recommend this site for those who are having difficulty achieving recovery through GA or other any other means. I have found in my 4 years of recovery that we are all quite similar in our stories and only the minute details differ. Our past haunts us and keep us in an addictive thinking mode until we are ready to let go absolutely and be the person we always wanted to be . . . one day at a time. Today we have choices. We can learn how to look at things differently. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says in his book "The Power of Intention"; "I changed the way I looked at things, and the things I looked at changed." We are BRAND NEW today, this moment in time; nothing will repeat itself exactly, we can choose to look for positives in our life or we can choose to continue to see and seek the negatives. It's an amazing difference when we train ourselves to become "positive" people and be grateful for where and who we are. Let go today and let GOD of our understanding, handle our problems. We need only be Honest, Open and Willing. Willing to do anything to arrest this insidious illness. I need to take my medicine as if this were a physical illness. Hope this site remains a successful place for others to learn and tell their stories. We are GOOD people with a bad problem!

Kathy MICHIGAN Michigan kellbuist@hotmail.com 07/02/08 Hello to all!!! My gambling story is typical, as most are. This insidious disease creeps up on us before we even realize what is happening. I was caught in the grip for about eight years and almost lost everything important to me. I now have been free from action for two years, two months and twelve days. I allowed myself to dwell in gambling hell, knowing it was a problem and wanting so bad to get out, yet making excuses at the same time to allow myself that out to continue to gamble. I hit bottom and still wanted to go to the casino. PITIFUL? No, I am not to be pitied because I have control as to whether I gamble or not. It took me a long time to realize that my excuses, justifications and rationalizations as to why I just couldn't walk into a GA meeting, couldn't afford a counselor, couldn't be honest with anyone about my shameful behavior were all just bullshit to allow me to continue to gamble-accountability is a scary concept, but, absolutely necessary for recovery. As long as everyone else is responsible for all of the issues in my life, I remain the victim I have allowed myself to be in the first place and will never grasp the facts-there is only one way to quit and it is to just quit!!! Yes, when we are active that is almost impossible to conceive-if you are still gambling think how scary that sounds. And then remember-you have a choice!!! For the first four months of my recovery, I attended GA meetings twice a week and saw a counselor once a week-it wasn't easy-it was very scary. I then chaired one of the meetings for ten months and due to a job change haven't been to a GA meeting in about the last 10 months. It has been a long time since I have dealt with any gambling urges. Today I am sitting in the transplant unit of the Karmanos Cancer Center in Detroit, Mi watching my 27 year old daughter fight for her life as she recovers from a stem cell transplant last Friday to rid her body of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a blood cancer!
I am surrounded by casino's and have had several invites to join groups of people in the evenings from the guest housing I am staying in-and the urges have been powerful. I am in a vulnerable state and it would be so easy under the circumstances to "slip". At first I thought, "I can't do that to my daughter, or my husband" and then I thought, "I can't do that to God or to myself and that's what really counts." God has brought me out of the depths of despair, I couldn't have made it any other way and I have worked too hard to arrest the addiction and continue to strive to become the person I have always wanted to be to throw it all away and for what? Gambling was not fun-it made my life miserable and I allowed it happen-I am in control, by the grace of GOD. So, I don't mean to sound abrupt, but, the only way to stop is to STOP. There are tools available all around us we just have to take the first baby steps. I am a compulsive gambler and I now know that is never going to change. I was thinking I was beyond it, after this past two weeks I realize it will always be there, but I make the decisions and that is empowering. There is such a sense of freedom unshackling ourselves from the grips of the disease. So thank you for the site-as soon as I knew the urges were getting strong-this is where I turned. I hear so much intelligence and strength in all of the entries-believe in yourselves and that you deserve better and then turn to your higher power. Ladies-please pray hard for my baby girl. Traveling this journey with her, which has been going on for almost twenty one months, has put so many things in perspective. The tests will keep coming, but every time I prevail, again by the grace of God, the foundation gets stronger and life is so much more worth living.

Kathy CONNECTICUT East Haven Connecticut July 1, 2008
Dear Friends, It has only been 9 weeks so far, but I am hanging in there. I go to this website almost daily for inspiration. This is my GA Meeting, since I don't relate very well to meetings. I also have a counselor, and so far, after about 10 years of messing up with gambling and drinking, I am determined to try to live a life without the Casinos. Oh, don't think I am not reminded daily through ads, and billboards. Two casinos are just 45 minutes away here in Connecticut. The largest in the World. But I am keeping busy daily with other things in my life, some stressful, some not so stressful, and I try to eliminate thoughts of slots. I have reading materials when the urge sets in, and find them to be helpful. Good luck to all you ladies who are struggling with me. We need to stay in touch, and continue to visit this website. Thank you Marilyn, also. If it were not for your website and your book, I don't know where I would be today. My Prayers to all of you.

Kathy LOUISIANA Epps, Louisiana
06/30/08 joeclevland@bellsouth.net Hello to all: I was not aware of this website until my GA sponsor called me this morning just home from the National GA Convention. I spent 10 years of my life lying, stealing and who knows what else while in a gambling addiction. Finally I just couldn't take it any longer and turned myself in for a crime I committed in order to gamble. It has been almost 3 years since that date and I am still in pre-sentencing for the crime. I have good days when I can see past tomorrow and then I will have days when I can't see tomorrow at all. My GA brothers and sisters have helped me cope with the uncertainties in my life and have given me strength to face tomorrow. Right now I have to remember "One Day At A Time". Kathy C Louisiana


S.P. CALIFORNIA Petaluma, CA 06/25/08 writesuzyp@yahoo.com Thank you for putting this web site out there for those of us still suffering and just realizing the depth of our self-created hell. I will attend my 1st meeting this week. I've already heard my story on this website. I never thought I'd be one, and I never knew it was so prevalent. Thanks again.

Cindy WISCONSIN
Milwaukee Wisconsin
06/21/2008 angeleyesvirgo@yahoo.com
What a wonderful website! Thanks to one of my GA friends I finally found a place to hang my hat and call home on the web for my compulsive gambling addiction. Thanks GA women of America!

Jamie WISCONSIN
Milwaukee, WI
6/14/08 jmarlis1125@yahoo.com Thinking about what to write, I look outside. The sky is such a magnificent shade of blue, the trees in my backyard are swaying in the wind. My 3 beautiful, amazing children are playing so innocently on the swing-set savoring their popsicles. This is my life today, my heaven. This brief but totally perfect slice of life is what keeps me in GA. Finally, I feel alive as a mother, as a wife, as a woman. I recite the serenity prayer...now it's time to fold the laundry and wash my 2 year old son's face. His older sisters put makeup on him--This is my life and I wouldn't change a thing :)

West Chester, PA PENNSYLVANIA
Hitting this site by chance as I am researching a paper on women and compulsive gambling was a humbling and refreshing experience. Of course I'm there, struggling to get out and stay out. I've prayed, I've cried, I've promised, I've tried. Yet I am pulled back to that slot machine that I have willingly allowed to rob me of my finances, my dignity, and my self-esteem. I am determined to beat this. God is on my side. Thank you for your website. I know I'll be back regularly for a visit.

P.S. West Chester, if you send me your e-mail address, we can talk through the Internet.
Kimberly B ARIZONA Glendale, Az. letsgoracin88@yahoo.com 05/29/08 What a blessing this site is. God, my higher power gave me the courage to crawl into the GA Program. I am so grateful for the sisters, like Marilyn that God placed in my life. I was so touched by her book, that I know the journey wasn't easy at all for her. It truly is a blessing to me as well, knowing that God, will take me through the journey of a new and wonderful life, just as she found one day at a time. I will forever be grateful to her, for giving all she has given of herself to all of us in recovery. We can all be happy, joyous and free if we truly desire it. To all my sisters in this addiction thank you so much for welcoming me and giving me the gift that God has given all of you. Acceptance, I understand it now, I am powerless over gambling and my life did become beyond unmanageable, and I have found that Gift from God to restore my sanity. I pray I will to thine own self be true and embark on a wonderful new way of living like all of you. I am not alone anymore!
I still have a lot of work to do, to prevent another relapse. I truly believe I will die if I go back out there into that pure hell. Because the remorse and the guilt and pain I caused my children and my friends, loved ones, is truly beyond anything I ever imagined. I want to die peacefully with this disease arrested in me. I love each and every one of you sisters in recovery truly, the same way you love me.

Bonnie OREGON
Gresham, Oregon boniru@comcast.net 5/27/08 It has been a while since I have written, though I used to write regularly. I have been in Recovery from compulsive gambling since March 25, 2007. Prior to that date I spent 7 times in "in-patient" treatment for my gambling addiction. I was at Algamus two times and just noticed that my councilor, Susan, from there, just posted a message. Hi Susan, I miss you! My life today is so much better than I ever could have imagined a few years ago, when I was so very "caught up" in compulsive gambling that I felt like my Life had become a Living Hell. I kept relapsing after periods of 1 to 5 months of abstinence, and each time I relapsed my gambling progressed to such a degree that I was on a highway to Prison, insanity, or death. I truly began to believe that I was one of the unfortunates who would end up dying in this disease, and though it pains me to have to say this, there were times, when death looked looked like a better option than Living in the Hell of gambling out of control. I finally came to the place, the last time when I was in treatment, where I realized that if I truly wanted to Live and maintain long term abstinence from gambling I had to change the way I had been going about it. Obviously, the way I was Living was not conducive to the Recovery I so desired, but which had eluded me. They say that the definition of insanity is doing things the same way, over and over again, expecting different results. By this description, I truly was Insane! I had been going to GA meetings, seeing a gambling councilor regularly and reading a daily meditation book. I prayed, but not every day and I read GA literature. I felt like I was working a "Good Program", but, for me. it was obviously not enough. I needed to make some changes and I had to do something differently than what I had done in the past. For me, this meant becoming disciplined and that has never been one of my strengths!! By discipline, for me, that means committing the first 45 minutes to an hour each week day morning, doing what I call my week day "Ritual". I wake up and make my coffee (first things first. LOL!!!) then I sit at my kitchen table and read 4 meditation books, slowly enough to digest what I am reading. Then I pray. Each day in my prayers I turn my will and my life over to God (step 3) and ask that he would guide and direct my path and that he would show me "the next Right step" to take. I then write 5 things I am grateful for in my Journal and then I journal a page or more about what is going on that day, how I am doing and such. After I journal, I sit down in in a chair in the living room and I close my eyes, relax, and do my deep breathing affirmations for about 7 to 10 minutes. That's it, my week day "Ritual". This "Discipline" has truly changed my Life!!! I do not allow myself to get into worry and negativity, which I was so apt to do in the past. I have been called a "ruminator" by Dr. on more than one occasion!! LOL!!! I could worry myself sick and did so on many occasions. I believe a lot of my gambling relapses were my "Unhealthy" way of escaping the almost constant chatter, many times negative, going on in my head. No longer do I allow my self to sit and Ruminate!! I turn things over to God, and for the most part, I actually leave them with him!! I too have read Marilyn's book "Gripped by Gambling" and recommend it to any one struggling with a gambling addiction. I actually have been able to quit another long time addiction, smoking. After 33 years of smoking I have been smoke free, One Day at a Time, for 4 months now. In June I will celebrate 30 years of Sobriety, again, One Day at a Time. I am so very Grateful to God and all who have been there for me on this Journey. May God Bless you All! Bonnie

Deb ARIZONA Phoenix, Arizona jhtfjm44pat@cox.net 05-25-08 I'm back... I wrote a couple of weeks ago for the first time, because I was overwhelmed by my gambling. I went a few weeks without gambling, but I went back to the casino today. In fact, I just came home from the casino and I am in such a financial hole. For the past couple of days, I have been having thoughts about returning to the casino. I kept thinking that if I could just win a jackpot, then maybe I could get my head above water with my finances. Well, needless to say, I am further in the hole. I don't know how I will ever get out of debt. I can't borrow money from my family or friends, because I've burned those bridges. I thought I felt bad before, I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror right now. I am an intelligent and educated person, and I can't find a way to stop this insanity!! I don't have money for food, rent, or gas. I wrote two checks at the casino today that I know will bounce and I have six payday loans. I am so financially tapped that I don't know where to begin to get back on my feet. They say that you have to "surrender" but I'm not even sure what that means?

Susan D FLORIDA Tampa, Florida AlgamusRockHill@aol.com 05/22/08 COMMENT: RE: GRIPPED BY GAMBLING If anyone out there has not read Marilyn's book, I would strongly suggest that you do. I related to so much of Marilyn's life...we could have been related. We are fortunate to have lots of female gamblers in the Tampa and surrounding areas and most of them have now read this book. Some of the women in our rooms found themselves angry with Marilyn as they read...they reported the "mirror image" feelings (how could she do this and how did I do the same thing)....all were mesmerized and all praised her for her openness and honesty. Thanks Marilyn for a no-hold-barred honest book about addiction

Vicki B MISSISSIPPI MI human53@yahoo.com
May 21, 2008

1st time here. Great site. Keep up the good work!
Anonymous
May 21, 2008

My first experience with a slot machine was at age 12 - I snuck out of our Vegas hotel room to play, won ten dollars, and ran back up to my room. I was terrified that I'd win a big jackpot and they'd check my ID. At 12. I could pass as an adult, but barely. I started gambling compulsively a year and a half ago. I was desperately in love, and my "partner" of two months left me, without explanation. My cousin and I were visiting our family in Vegas, and instead of just sitting in the casino, where our grandparents preferred to spend quality time with us, my cousin and I decided to play and drink free drinks. We knew it was "wrong", but had a dedicated what the hell attitude. We had fun, too much fun. Gambling gave me escape from my feelings of shame and worthlessness. I lost several hundred dollars that weekend and didn't care. When I came home, I immediately looked up casinos in the area, trying to recapture that fun and escape, and found that there were several within an hour or two hour's drive.

Jamie WISCONSIN Milwaukee, WI jmarlis1125@yahoo.com 05/20/08 Hello everyone!! In the last week, I have made a new commitment to my recovery and to GA. I don't like to focus on my clean time (though I am proud it's been over 7 months), I want to focus on what I am doing today to live and breathe recovery. GA IS my family...my lifeline. "Why me" doesn't matter anymore, IT JUST IS. Yes, I am a compulsive gambler, but that does not define me. That is such huge realization for me. Lots of love, Jamie
Lisa MICHIGAN Michigan ljlomas@yahoo.com 05/19/08 To everyone:

I just made it to 60 days, gamble-free. One day free from gambling makes a difference; one week; one month. 60 days is an accomplishment for me. I've been a compulsive gambler for 15 years and been down the road to recovery before. This time I'm focused on getting back a real life; not my guilt or what I've done or how to pay back my debt. I'm focused on changing my old habits and rediscovering my life; to be able to think normally. Freedom from gambling has allowed me to think clearly. The debt is being paid back (slowly), but "I'm" more important than my debt. "My life & family" are more important than the debt.

I'm thankful for every day.
I'm thankful for work.
I'm thankful for GA & my Higher Power.
I'm thankful for my counselor.
I'm thankful for the opportunity to start over.

60 days ago I was desperate; disgusted with myself; hated what my life had become; overwhelmed with shame. When I'd come home from the casino, I looked like I just took an "ugly pill" (as my counselor calls it). Today there is a different person in that mirror.

To anyone who feels like a slave to gambling, don't give up hope. Reach out to someone for help. We're here for you.
Lisa
P.S. Thanks Marilyn

Sharon FLORIDA Tampa, FL 5/18/08 lajiraffe@hotmail.com My April 2, 2008 call to the Florida Council on Compulsive Gambling as mandated by my employer, and the subsequent treatment sessions with a Certified Gambling Addictions Counselor as well as regular attendance at GA meetings since that date has changed my life!!!!!

Karen CALIFORNIA San Diego, CA karenhinsd@aol.com 05/16/08 To all the guests writing in: there is no other way than the GA way. We have a saying in our group: "No Matter What It Takes." If you're ashamed or scared or "feel" you cannot connect with your group...than, YES, shame on you for not wanting to do whatever it takes to get away from this addiction. Stop "feeling" and start thinking. Remember the feeling that got you here in the first place. This is not just about you anymore, it's about those around you that you destroy right along with you. Let's face it, the time you lost, the money you lost, the dignity, the self-esteem, the love, all while playing and giving your life away to "them." Guess what, when you stop going, you think "they" care? Do whatever it takes, go to GA, there is no other way. Ask any of us who are staying clean. It's one day at a time, slowly and surely, you will break free. Do NOT give up, follow the book and the recovered gamblers. We've been were you're at. One day at a time. Karen

Cindi ARIZONA Arizona 05/15/2008 Wow! I'm overwhelmed with emotion just reading the stories and telling myself this is me, this is me! Last night was the worst night of my gambling life. It's been a short one (2 years), but very destructive. My boyfriend took me to my first casino 2 years ago and I found that I could get lost and no one would know who I am and no one would care! As a single parent, who works two very demanding jobs, it's nice to just sit and not have anything asked of you. It's also nice to have people smile and hand you money. But somewhere in the fun, I became lost and lost very fast. I'm tired all the time, I'm tired of losing money I've worked so hard for and I just don't enjoy it, so why do I go? How do I stop? I'm too shy and embarrassed to go to GA. I think I would sit and cry the entire time of the meeting. I'm scared to death of what is going to become of me. I've read where death is good, and yet, I don't want to die, but I don't want to ever go back. I'm tired, so very tired....I'm not sure why life has gotten this difficult (yes, I really do know why) and it's all because of some machines that promise you something and don't deliver. I don't drink, the cigarette smoke bothers me so bad that my eyes tear up for days after I do go and yet I continue to go? If there something else than GA out there, could someone please email me and let me know. I'm going tonight to buy Marilyn's book and I'm so very grateful there is a book out there to read and keep with me. Thank you to everyone and I wish everyone well and help with this horrible disease. My birthday is in a few weeks and I've told myself I can make it all the way to my birthday and not go. That's my first step, that and trying to find forgiveness in myself for completely stepping off the deep end and being so absolutely stupid in myself. God Bless...

Cathy CONNECTICUT East Haven CT 05/12/08 Dear Marilyn, Thank you for this website. I feel so much better after reading how others have been helped through group contact. I have decided to make 5/3/08 my last Casino visit. I refuse to finance the casinos any longer. I plant to continue to attend counseling and will begin GA this week. I am fully committed, and will keep you and others updated. I am turning this over to a higher power, at last. Cathy

Deb ARIZONA Arizona jhtfjm44pat@cox.net 05/10/08 I just came back from the Casino where I lost every penny I have. I don't understand why I can't stop this insanity...I am so depressed. I stumbled on this website and have read most of the emails. Please help me...
Toni ARIZONA Phoenix, Arizona 05/09/08 I placed my last bet on 02-24-08 and I attended my first GA meeting on 05/01/08. I am 52 yrs old and have gambled for 27 years of my life, I have attended several GA meetings here in town and had the pleasure of meeting Marilyn Lancelot and I have to say that she is one inspiring LADY. Marilyn handed me a copy of her book several weeks ago and once I started reading it I could not put it down, I stayed up all night after the meeting reading the book and shed many tears. Today I could not attend the GA meeting this evening and I sit here now trying to think of a reason as to why I couldn't attend and my only true reason is because I don't connect well with large groups of people and I just don't feel that I fit in with this group. Friday nights and Saturdays are the hardest for me so I felt that if I could attend GA meetings on those 2 days it would keep me out of the casinos, but I sit here now and even though it has been over 60 days since I placed my last bet !
I can honestly say that the urge to go is still there. I have never utilized the phone list because I just don't feel that I should burden someone else with my thoughts, fears or my problems. Maybe I should have forced myself to go to the meeting this evening. So instead I pulled out the card with the information to this site that also was given to me by Marilyn and read everyone's input and I do have to say that after reading the comments posted and also with the help from my higher power I did not give in to the old urges of wanting to escape into old habits. So I have to give my thanks to God for giving me the courage to fight the urge to gamble today and I also need to thank Marilyn for providing me with a little card that held the the information to this site. One day at a time and with that I'll be back. Thanks for listening.

Tiffany ARIZONA Arizona 05/04/08 I'm pretty new at attending GA meetings so the days and nights get a little long between them. This website has been great for me because when I'm feeling alone and the urge to go gamble I come right to this website. Thank u

Cindy CALIFORNIA
Yuba city, CA
cindyo7@comcast.net
04/27/08

If you have an email list, that you send things to, please put me on it.

Thanks, Cindy